Thursday, January 05, 2012

Desk Job Zombie

I have turned into a boring person.  I think part of it is that my job is sucking the life out of me. I like my job, don't get me wrong.  I work with great people and for a great group of doctors  However I kind of feel like its turning me into a boring person with nothing to talk about that would interest anyone outside my field. The things I do have to talk about are so boring to even me that some days that I'm not even motivated to talk about them.   I sit at a desk all day staring at a computer, numbers and mostly bland politically correct medical records.  It's extremely sad that I look forward to the random note a doctor has slipped in that probably shouldn't be there. The ones where he actually describes a condition or personality of a patient in the exact way he sees it.   In these days of the frequent medical malpractice lawsuits, those are very rare.   So most days I sit at a computer without speaking to anyone for long lengths of time, reading op report after op report and typing code after code and by the end of the day I feel like a zombie.  It's hard to even relate to people sometimes at the end of these days.  I just stare at them numbly and they eventually stop talking to me.   Then I come home and leave it behind. But then another type of situation takes over. Chuck and I have a great routine.  We know how most of our evenings will go.  Dinner, bath time for the kids, small quiet playtime, read to the kids, kids bedtime and then we have about an hour or so left before our own bedtime. It works for us but more importantly it works for the kids. They know what to expect. There is no complaining at bedtime. No negotiating. It's how it is and we all know it. Sometimes though I feel like this is making me dull too. I love my home life.  It's safe, it's comfortable and full of people I love and love me back.  But I miss adventure. I miss picking up and doing something completely random, completely unplanned. Maybe this is the life of a working mom of two small kids. But I need some balance.  I think about some of the crazy things I did in high school, college, prior to kids and I miss it. I miss the stories.  You hear people say that this is what happens when you get married and settle down but I don't believe it. I believe there are still adventures to be had in our daily life.   My New Years resolution this year is to add that adventure back into my life. I'm not sure how or where to start but this is the long as it doesn't interfere with my bedtime.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Leave it to Charlie Brown

I’d like to get a little something out of the way first. It has obviously been a really long time since I’ve posted here. I wasn’t even entirely sure I remembered my login to tell the truth. I’m sure there aren’t many (if any) people that still even remember that I have this blog or would even think to check for an update. Those that do stumble across it, I’m glad you found it. I intend to start posting again. We’ll see how that goes…
Tonight my 3 year old daughter asked to watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special that we happen to have on DVD. This is no reflection of her readiness for Christmas since she asks for it year round but as I sat down in front of the TV to put the DVD in for her, I found myself wanting to watch it. Normally this time of year, I groan at all the decorations and music I hear as I’m out and about. I’m typically never ready to even discuss Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
This year I feel a little differently though. I can’t say that I’m quite ready to embrace it, but I haven’t minded it as much. Maybe it’s the “Big Eastern Syndicate” finally getting to me…the same people that push Christmas on us earlier and earlier every year. However I don’t think so. I think as I’ve gotten older I just miss my childhood more and more.
As I sat down in front of my TV tonight and the first scene of Charlie Brown came on, with the snow and the music we all know too well, it washed over me. I closed my eyes and felt myself back in my family’s living room at 8 or so years old. I could feel my fuzzy winter pajamas and see the multicolored Christmas tree to my right. I could feel, hear and smell the wood burning stove that I always hated as a kid but now just feels like home. The overall feeling of happiness and security that memory gave me was a strong one. It was only for a second before I snapped myself out of it and went back to folding the laundry that I had previously been working on while Corinne snuggled up in our recliner in the living room. At first it left me incredibly sad. My childhood “home” doesn’t exist any longer. My parents divorced when I was in college and my family changed. Though some family still lives there, I can’t ever go back to what was my home as a kid. There aren’t many people that probably can, I guess. Once the temporary sadness passed, it made me realize just how lucky I am to have had a happy and healthy childhood. There are so many adults that can’t say that. So many children currently living in a world of instability…and worse.
These are obviously not groundbreaking thoughts but ones that reminded me of just how important it is to be the best parent I can be. What memories will my kids have of their childhood home and their childhood in general? Will they be as warm and fuzzy? Do Chuck and I give them that overall sense of love? I hope so. I hope their memories of our family’s metaphorical wood-burning stove will bring them back to a time and a place they can remember with the same amount of warmth. I don’t believe much matters beyond that.

Monday, September 15, 2008


My nephew, Ashtin, sings the Spiderman theme song.

Spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can.
Spins a web, any size. Catches thieves, just like flies.
Hey there, there goes Spiderman!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Our busy summer

Man, I've been busy since I last posted here. This summer seems to just be flying by. We had our bathroom remodeled over the past couple weeks and wow, it looks a million times better. Who knew getting the old vanity (that had chew marks from Webster) out of there could make such a difference? Yes, he chewed the side of the vanity. Apparently he hated the thing as much as we did. Redoing a room always amazes me how long we will tolerate an awful and embarrassing room as long as we do. Really, the flooring didn't even go from wall to wall. If you've never seen it, I'll just let you imagine that in your mind for a minute. But! We no longer have a trashy bathroom. Yay us!

Let's see, what else has been going on...oh right! We got new backyard furniture. I love it, even though we haven't had much opportunity to enjoy it with all this rain.

Other than that, not much has been going on. I've just been sitting around the house, not going to work, getting small amounts of sleep, and catering to the needs of our most exciting bit of news. Miss Corinne is here!!

I had her on June 5th and she's just absolutely amazing. I was admitted to the hospital on the 4th to be induced. They started the pitocin the morning of the 5th and we had her at 12:06. It was a piece of cake compared to Chase's birth. I'm talking maybe 10 minutes of pushing, if that. I was a little out of it so I don't have an exact timetable but it was short. I couldn't have asked for an easier delivery. Things are going very well and actually I can't believe it's already been 4 weeks. Chase is doing well with her, though he has been acting out a little. Since when does he throw a temper tantrum in Target? I don't know but it's getting a little old. I was THAT mom the other day. You know, the one with the screaming 3 year old who was crying for no reason and could not be reasoned with. I even sunk so low as to bribe him. I'm ashamed but it didn't help anyway. We made it home though and he was dealt with. I'll be surprised if it happens again. Other than that bit of trouble, we are all adjusting to the big change. She's healthy and beautiful and she will kick your ass if you say otherwise. We couldn't ask for more.

Monday, May 05, 2008

The Boss and The Buffalo

Hi, yeah, so, it's been a while and my only excuse is that I'm pregnant. Very pregnant. Like, I have 5 weeks left, People. I'll keep it brief and just let you know that things are good but I'm ready for Miss Thing to arrive. Corinne Michelle is her name and she is set to be here around June 9th for those who can't recall. Meanwhile Chase continues to grow in mind, body and bossiness. Take this video below as a prime example. And yes, I know, he could have totally fit through that space with his car but my Power of The Buffalo had him convinced that he couldn't, hence keeping him confined to a smaller space. This of course also limited the area I had to run to keep up with him. Smart parenting at it's finest.

Monday, March 03, 2008

My Grandmother

I wish this post could be a little happier after being away from here for so long but unfortunately my family lost a great lady this past week. My grandmother passed away on Wednesday after years of fighting Alzheimer's. She passed away peacefully surrounded by family which is the way it should be. She held on for a few days after the family was all called in and I know she did it intentionally. Even in such a sad situation, it was nice to spend time with my extended family that I just somehow lose track of in our busy day to day lives. We caught up on what's been going on, laughed together like we always do and cried together like we've done a few too many times as well. I know my grandmother was aware of the time we were spending together and I know she was cherishing it as much as the rest of us. Our big family gatherings have always been our family's way and she was loving every second of it. I know it in my heart. I find comfort in the fact that we were able to give it to her one last time.

I'll miss you so much Grandma, but I know you are in a much better place. I'm glad you finally made it there. I love you and can't wait to see you again.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

I'm not dead.

Just a little worn out, maybe. Our holidays were great but chaotic as always. We all enjoyed our family time and the time off from work too, of course. Oddly enough though, I'm just ready to get back into our routine. I feel so old for saying that. I don't know how to post anything about the holidays without it being a mile long entry, so I'll just leave you with a picture that pretty much sums up our Christmas. A dollar to the first person to find Katie (think "Where's Waldo?"). Hope your holidays were as great as ours!