Friday, December 30, 2005

It was a night full of obscenities.

So my phone rang last night. I answered it and this is the conversation that followed:

me: Hello?
sister Katie: What are you doing?
me: Nothing, what are you doing?
Katie: Nothing, I'm pregnant.
Katie: yep

You can see where I'm going with this. So, YAY!!!! CONGRATULATIONS KATIE AND GARY! Hopefully your child will be less evil than the two of you.

The photo that was previously displayed here has been removed to make room for new pictures.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Those poncupines can be tricky.

At my mother's house, whenever we have a get together we usually end up playing games by the end of the night. Sometimes it's cards and sometimes it's board games but we usually play at least one or the other. Christmas Eve night, my sisters and I, our significant others, and our kids all went over to our mother's house. We pigged out, open gifts (hellooo beautiful brown coat from the Gap. I love you.), and then decided to play Cranium. We usually play guys against girls but this year we had an uneven number so we decided to give up one of our team members to be nice and Christmaslike. Never again. Due to my skill in spelling forwards and backwards, my mom's humming ability, and my sister Katie's skill in clay sculpting, we usually skunk the other team without a problem. Well, I was the weak link this year. Not only did I misspell (backwards) "likelihood" but I also missed "porcupine". My rep as an excellent backwards speller has been ruined. I'm no longer allowed to spell. So needless to say, we lost. *sigh* It's embarrassing really. What's even more embarrassing is that we lost to our husbands who could correctly identify "I feel pretty" as my sister Mandy hummed it. It's a sad sad world.

Addendum: My review of our Christmas holiday is to follow shortly. I really wanted to illustrate certain points with pictures and alas, I left my beloved camera at my mother's house...where someone (who has yet to fess up but my brother in law seemed very amused by the whole incident so I believe he knows) dipped it's strap in wax. So my camera sits at my mother's house feeling shunned because of it's green evergreen scented strap. Don't worry my lovely camera, I will come to get you soon.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Blue Steel

Here is my son and his infamous "Blue Steel". Watch out ladies, he's after your toddler daughters.

You better watch out, you better not cry...

So, it's that time of year. The time of year where the snow falls, it's cold, the holidays come, and we spend our extra time off driving from party to party trying to squeeze in each side of our family (which just happens to be 4 sides). First of all let me make one thing clear, I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I'm just merely trying to make you understand what my life is like this time of year, that is all. I *heart* my family thoroughly and would not want it any other way.

This Christmas we have a total of 9 Christmas parties to attend and out of those 9, we will definitely be at 8. Party number 9 is still in negotiations but we just have to draw the line somewhere. Chuck and I have both of our work Christmas parties, my dad's extended side of the family, my mom's extended side of the family, my stepmother's side of the family, my inlaws side of the family and not to mention the immediate side of my dad's family and the immediate side of my mother's family. This equals a lot of baking and present wrapping and let me just say, I'm exhausted. Like seriously, last night I was arguing with my husband (well, I was arguing, he was just kind of egging me on) about the code for the TV that you have to have in order to program our remote. Um, really, is that something you should be arguing about at 11:00 at night when you have to get up at 5:00? No, it is not.

So obviously my side of the family is very large. I have 5 sisters and stepbrothers, a mom, a dad and stepmother, numerous aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents still living. My husband's side is very small and really, it's the sole reason I married him. Well that and he likes white meat on the turkey. Ok, off the track for just a moment. I like dark meat and I have a theory. You must always marry someone who likes the opposite color of turkey meat as you. That way, the whole turkey is enjoyed and there is no fighting.

Anyway, my side of the family's parties are chaos. They are loud, hectic, and very warm. We've already attended 2 of our family parties (my extended family on both my mother and father's sides) and they were fun as always but in all honesty, there was a sense of loss at each of them.

On my mother's side, we lost both my grandmother and grandfather last year. We saw it coming with my grandfather but it was very unexpected with my grandmother. I simply adored my grandmother, as did many people. She was warm and caring and so giving. My world is just not the same without her. This is the first year that I truly feel her loss.

On my father's side, my grandmother has Alzheimer's and is in failing health. It's very difficult to communicate and each time we see her, it is heartbreaking. My grandfather is in great health but the stress he carries is obvious. I watch him in awe as he goes on day to day taking care of someone that I know he loves deeply but cannot return his love outwardly and it kills me. This year they did not attend our party due to the weather and my grandmother's health. It was hard because I know the end is near.

I suppose all families go through a cycle when older ones leave us for a better place and new young ones join us in this world. It's just so hard to watch families make these transitions. Our old habits make way for new traditions and I'm somewhat okay with that. I guess as long as the chaos continues, I think it will always feel like home.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Hi. My name is Tiffany and I am a sellout.

Ok, yeah, remember how I said that I was quitting my job and all that? Well, um, I sort of changed my mind. Let's just say that they made me an offer that I couldn't refuse. Most of me is terribly disappointed about not getting to spend every day with my son. However a small part of me is happy that I'll still be able to buy new shoes. In all honesty though, my new situation will allow us to get rid of a lot of debt and hopefully move into a shiny new home within the next year or so. So after much consideration, Chuck and I decided that I should stay and work on our financials and then reevaluate after a year or so. My bosslady did let me go to ten 4 hour days a week so that's at least a bit of compromise. I guess if putting up with angry patients moves us closer to where we need to be, I'll do what I have to do.

Random thoughts for Monday December 20th, 2005

So I should probably post something about Christmas since it's in like 6 days or whatever but due to Christmas overload, I'm going to post about random things that I've been thinking about today.

First of all, I must say that I have 2 songs stuck in my head today and neither is pleasant or something that I can sing out loud to relieve my frustration. The first is from an SNL skit from this past weekend. "The Chronic (WHAT?) cles of Narnia". It was a funny skit but unfortunately not something I need playing through my head all day. You may watch it and feel my pain here . The second is a song that is played by my son's new firetruck (thank you Aunt Lori and Uncle Russ) very loudly every time my son pushes the button, "Hurry, hurry drive the firetruck, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding". Soon, this thing will be silenced or destroyed.

I have a 30 minute drive to work each morning and often times on that drive I ponder some very deep and important issues. This morning my topic was "commercials". I've decided on my top 4 favorites from 2 different companies that are currently running and will share them with you now in no particular order.

1. The Pillsbury Doughboy cookie commercials. There are 2 different ones that make me laugh out loud equally as much. ( Sidenote: As further proof that I am successful in my quest to make my son a tiny version of myself, he laughs at these as well. Although I do not know why. Does he grasp the concept of heartcrushing cuteness? I guess so.) The first one is for the Pillsbury cookie with the Hershey's kisses in them, which you may watch here, with the added bonus of bloopers. Mr. Doughboy, oh so lovingly blows kisses to me throughout this commercial and I blow them back...and then laugh my ass off. The other commercial is for, well, cookies I assume. It's more of a sexy commercial where Barry White sings sexily in the background and Mr. Doughboy dances seductively. Oh, Mr. Doughboy, you are a little tart.

2. Nextel- they also have 2 out right now that are just hysterical. The first one is the one where there are 3 guys in an office dancing seductively to Salt N Pepa's "Push It". I guess dancing seductively makes me laugh. Anyway, if you haven't seen this commercial there is no description to explain it, you just have to watch it. The other Nextel commercial is where 2 guys working in a nuclear power plant control room are discussing BLT sandwiches. One of them thinks bread should be a part of the initials, the other disagrees. Meanwhile the power plant is going through some kind of meltdown but the discussion continues. It's so damn funny.

So there you have it. I should be stressing out about the handful of Christmas presents that I have yet to buy but really, I'd rather be daydreaming about cookies and BLTs.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

What I did yesterday.

Let's see, yesterday I went to work, ate some meals, played with my son and...oh yeah, I quit my job. *stretches arms and smiles big* Ahhhhhh, that feels so good. I've decided to stick it out here until January 27th for numerous reasons but mainly so we can get someone decent hired and trained before I leave. Now, before you say it, I know. I can't be replaced. But well...we have to try. *snicker* It all went well, considering my boss is known to go off the deep end at times. There have been a couple rounds of negotiations but nothing that made any progress.

So what have I decided to do, you ask? Well, thank you for asking, I'm going to work from home (my dad's home) and run a daycare with my stepmother. So, I'll be able to spend all day with my son and still bring in some money to pay our TiVo bill (you should know, it's a DVR from our cable company but I will stil call it TiVo, even though it isn't actually TiVo).

So, yay me! I have lots of playdoh, Hot Wheels, and Jack's Big Music Show in my future. Goodbye stuffy office, goodbye overworked coworkers, and goodbye all you angry patients that want to yell about your medical bill because you think healthcare should be free. I'm off to play with my son.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Disclaimer: You must be a fan of Jack's Big Music Show to fully appreciate the humor.

Me: Oooo, another thing we can use the TiVo for is recording Jack's Big Music Show to keep on hand for Chase. Then we can watch Mel's Super Swell Dance Party over and over and over again.

Chuck: Yipeee.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Thanksgiving. It's a time for sharing and caring and being with your family but most importantly it's the time of year where I'm required to make something. More specifically, something that tastes good. That's not burnt. That resembles real food. So each year, there is always some kind of drama that comes along with this task. This year, luckily, it didn't involve fire of any kind BUT it did involve tears.

So this year my mother actually told me what to bring. I was given two assignments, one being the green bean casserole and one being the layered salad. Green bean casserole? No problem. Made it before. No problem. Layered salad? Eeee, that's a little questionable. So my mom hands me the recipe the weekend before our get together, I write down all the directions (INCLUDING the directions on how to hard boil an egg-I'll get to that in a minute) and I'm on my way.

Well, did I mention that we are remodeling our living room? Oh, well, we are. And it's been a huuuge PITA. It went from painting the walls to texturizing the walls, painting the walls, sanding the trim and windows, painting the trim and windows, replacing hardware, hanging moulding, replacing outlets, buying new furniture, etc. So that has been our life lately. We've been eating and drinking living room.

Needless to say, I didn't have time to start this layered salad until midnight the night before our dinner. Which really is about the time I start cooking no matter what we have going on. So I get out the recipe and I'm moving along just fine when I get to the part about the hard boiled eggs. Let me back up. I've never liked hard boiled eggs up until recently thus never having a reason to make them until midnight the night before Thanksgiving dinner. So, of course, I cannot find the directions anywhere. I decide to wing it. Really it wasn't all that complicated. Everything went just fine until it was time to take them out of the water.

Here is my conversation with myself because by this time it was 1 o'clock in the morning, I was exhausted and slowly becoming delirious.

me: Takes egg #1 out of water with tongs.
me: Oh shit.
me: They are still hard.
me: WTF did I do wrong?
me: *stares at eggs*
me: *desperately searches for directions again* *finds them*
me: I did everything right! So...WTF?!
me: I sure wish my GD husband wasn't in the GD shower!!
me: *sigh* Should I try again with new eggs?
me: *stares at eggs for 5 minutes*
me: *cries a little because poor me, I'm an idiot who can't hard boil an egg*
me: *sniff* I guess I'll just bust into this stupid thing and see what the hell I did wrong.
me: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You have to PEEL THEM! Why in the hell didn't she write that on the directions????
me: *cries because I'm an even bigger idiot than previously thought*

So really this is just further evidence that I should not be allowed in the kitchen nor should be required to bring food to family gatherings because you might just end up with eggshell in your salad.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Soooo...first things first.

For those who don't know me, my name is Tiffany and I live in Kansas City. I'm married to one hell of a guy and we also have a short baldish one year old man living with us who is the most beautiful thing you will ever see. I mean, seriously. I look at this kid and wonder who his mother is because it most certainly isn't me. I don't care that the doctor handed him to me over a year ago after hours of pain. Somehow I've been tricked. We also have 3 cats that live with us along with 2 dogs that mostly just stink up the house. I currently work for 4 doctors and enjoy my life immensely. I have a huge family that is mostly crazy and a great group of friends who I do not deserve because, really, I'm a terrible friend. I have lots of stories and events to share so I guess...stay tuned.