Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Disclaimer: You must be a fan of Jack's Big Music Show to fully appreciate the humor.

Me: Oooo, another thing we can use the TiVo for is recording Jack's Big Music Show to keep on hand for Chase. Then we can watch Mel's Super Swell Dance Party over and over and over again.

Chuck: Yipeee.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Thanksgiving. It's a time for sharing and caring and being with your family but most importantly it's the time of year where I'm required to make something. More specifically, something that tastes good. That's not burnt. That resembles real food. So each year, there is always some kind of drama that comes along with this task. This year, luckily, it didn't involve fire of any kind BUT it did involve tears.

So this year my mother actually told me what to bring. I was given two assignments, one being the green bean casserole and one being the layered salad. Green bean casserole? No problem. Made it before. No problem. Layered salad? Eeee, that's a little questionable. So my mom hands me the recipe the weekend before our get together, I write down all the directions (INCLUDING the directions on how to hard boil an egg-I'll get to that in a minute) and I'm on my way.

Well, did I mention that we are remodeling our living room? Oh, well, we are. And it's been a huuuge PITA. It went from painting the walls to texturizing the walls, painting the walls, sanding the trim and windows, painting the trim and windows, replacing hardware, hanging moulding, replacing outlets, buying new furniture, etc. So that has been our life lately. We've been eating and drinking living room.

Needless to say, I didn't have time to start this layered salad until midnight the night before our dinner. Which really is about the time I start cooking no matter what we have going on. So I get out the recipe and I'm moving along just fine when I get to the part about the hard boiled eggs. Let me back up. I've never liked hard boiled eggs up until recently thus never having a reason to make them until midnight the night before Thanksgiving dinner. So, of course, I cannot find the directions anywhere. I decide to wing it. Really it wasn't all that complicated. Everything went just fine until it was time to take them out of the water.

Here is my conversation with myself because by this time it was 1 o'clock in the morning, I was exhausted and slowly becoming delirious.

me: Takes egg #1 out of water with tongs.
me: Oh shit.
me: They are still hard.
me: WTF did I do wrong?
me: *stares at eggs*
me: *desperately searches for directions again* *finds them*
me: I did everything right! So...WTF?!
me: I sure wish my GD husband wasn't in the GD shower!!
me: *sigh* Should I try again with new eggs?
me: *stares at eggs for 5 minutes*
me: *cries a little because poor me, I'm an idiot who can't hard boil an egg*
me: *sniff* I guess I'll just bust into this stupid thing and see what the hell I did wrong.
me: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! You have to PEEL THEM! Why in the hell didn't she write that on the directions????
me: *cries because I'm an even bigger idiot than previously thought*

So really this is just further evidence that I should not be allowed in the kitchen nor should be required to bring food to family gatherings because you might just end up with eggshell in your salad.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Soooo...first things first.

For those who don't know me, my name is Tiffany and I live in Kansas City. I'm married to one hell of a guy and we also have a short baldish one year old man living with us who is the most beautiful thing you will ever see. I mean, seriously. I look at this kid and wonder who his mother is because it most certainly isn't me. I don't care that the doctor handed him to me over a year ago after hours of pain. Somehow I've been tricked. We also have 3 cats that live with us along with 2 dogs that mostly just stink up the house. I currently work for 4 doctors and enjoy my life immensely. I have a huge family that is mostly crazy and a great group of friends who I do not deserve because, really, I'm a terrible friend. I have lots of stories and events to share so I guess...stay tuned.