Open Letter to Elise

Dear Elise,

I'm writing to you today to let you know that you have broken a young man's heart. Wherever you were last weekend, you gave "your phone number" to some gullible guy who thought he was getting hooked up. He now knows your evil ways. He knows that you gave him a fake number and that number was mine. The caller ID registered as Shauntra Marley, I'm going to assume that's his mother, so we'll call him "Bob" since he didn't share his true identity with me. I answered the phone ever so politely and the conversation went like this:

me: Hello?
Bob: Hello.
me: Um, Hi?
Bob: Who's this?
me: Well, who are you trying to call?
Bob: Elise.
me: I'm sorry but you have the wrong number.
Bob: Oh, uh, ok.

Well, poor Bob must have thought that I was you giving him the run around because we hung up and he called right back. So this time, I let Chuck answer the phone. He answered the phone the next two times after that as well. Obviously, based on his persistence, you have made an impression on poor Bob. By the last time he called, Chuck said that Bob was pretty upset and sounded very rejected.

Now I know how it is to be a young woman in a bar and guys that you aren't typically interested in approach you and you just need them to GO AWAY. Just please, next time? Give them someone else's phone number. I can't stand the rejection.

Sincerely,
Miss You've-got-the-wrong-number

You ain't nuthin' but a hound dog and your name is Webster.

King Kong Chong

If you didn't know that this was miniature furniture, would you think Chong was a giant cat?

Rare moment caught on film.

Chase is standing still. *gasp* I know, it does happen every so often. I think I may have just told him that his daddy took his blankie with him to work and that it wouldn't be home until later that day. He didn't find that amusing, I guess. The kid has no sense of humor when it comes to that blankie.

Wiki-Wiki-Wikipedia

There is a website on the internet that I have found so interesting over the past couple years or so that I feel like posting about it today. It is Wikipedia. It's an online encyclopedia of sorts. It covers just about any topic you can think of from Astrophysics to Zoobilee Zoo. If anyone is ever discussing something that I feel I should know what they are talking about, I do a quick little search on Wikipedia and then have a basic idea to at least hold a light conversation on the topic. It's saved me from embarrassment and social shunning many a times. Just keep in mind that it publicly modifiable. Meaning, if I don't think very highly of Brad Pitt, I can easily go into his article and add that he used to be a monkey cage cleaner at the Central Park Zoo. So what I'm saying is, you probably shouldn't use it as a source for your next homework assignment. However, using it as a source for your blog is perfectly acceptable.

Drama, Trash cans, and Pure Romance

Whoooo-doggy we've had some drama around these parts! After two weeks of closed door meetings, staff members wanting to know what the hell is going on, my paranoia that my job is in jeopardy because really, if someone is having a closed door meeting, it must have something to do me and something awful that I've been caught doing; we finally know what's going on. My office manager (direct supervisor) is quitting. Yes, she is married to one of our doctors and yes, she is going to work for a different non-competing totally out of our field doctor's office and yes, she's been here for like 100 years. So, this is a big deal folks. Big deal! They promoted our nursing supervisor, whom I adore, and she will be starting next week. So on top of all that, more importantly, I've rearranged my office which is wonderful but I can't find anything and my flow is totally off. I've thrown medical charts in the trash can 5 times...since Friday. It's Tuesday. So if you are a patient here and we cannot locate your file, please ask our receptionist to check my trash can.

Also, I had a very exciting weekend. My friend Julie sells sex and we had a party at my house so she could sell it to my friends. Ok, she doesn't really sell sex but the accessories that go along with it. She works for Pure Romance as a side gig from her full time job. You don't even want to know what she does full time**!! Woo-Woo! But really my Saturday evening was full of products that stimulate and smell (and taste) yummy. Not to mention, my sister Mandy brought over her chocolate fountain which was oh so wonderful. Seriously, I'm thinking of hooking a permanent one up in my kitchen so it can run constantly. So Saturday, needless to say, everyone went home happy.

So, things have been exciting on many different levels. Now excuse me while I go double check my trash can. My coworkers are desperately searching for a chart and I have an idea of where it might be.

**Julie works for a doctor's office like I do. Get your mind out of the gutter.

That's no itsy bitsy spider.

So last night I was sound asleep in my comfy bed all snuggled in. I had been in bed for about an hour or so when I happened to open my eye and see a spider the size of a fist descending down towards my head. Presumably to eat me in my sleep. I mean the thing was HUGE! I could see the fur and the beady eyes coming at me. So I screamed, jumped to the other side of the bed onto my sleeping husband, and then it dawned on me to turn on the light. So I did. Not a spider in sight. Now I have my husband worried and we both begin the search. Well really I'm searching and he's kind of looking at me knowing that I'm crazy but there's a slight chance that there actually was a spider so he'd better be nice or it will eat him too. So I'm searching for this fist sized spider that's surely going to eat my family as we sleep. I'm looking under the bed, behind the bed, under the covers...and then...hmmmm. I begin to think, "Yeah, I'm blind as a bat without my contacts or glasses which I was surely not wearing either as I was sleeping. So I uh, most certainly could not have seen that fist sized spider as clearly as I remember seeing it. And you know, I'm really not so sure that fist sized spiders have green glowing eyes and I'm pretty sure they don't drool...yeah...umm...I should probably stop searching now. Note to self, no more singing Itsy Bitsy Spider before bed."

That Voodoo that you do.

This past weekend I went with a group of my friends to Harrah's Casino here in Kansas City. One of my friend's husband had a bunch of comp points so we were able to get a hotel room for the night and dinner for free! (Thank you Scott!) So if you add together a group of 5 ladies, a great dinner, a very cool Vegas style nightclub-Voodoo Lounge, great music (if you get a chance to see The Zeros, you must! Great 80's cover band!), and of course drinking-that equals a pretty damn good time.

Before the night began, I have to admit, getting a great blackmail quality picture of the group was high on the priority list. Sad to say, however, no one got too crazy. Julie didn't flash anyone. Dru didn't make out with every available guy in the bar as we had hoped. Jen didn't pass out. Kristin didn't dance on any tables. *sigh*

So all I have is this one cute picture (NO ONE IS EVEN BLINKING OR MAKING AN ODD FACE)with nothing more to say than, "I love you girls!"

Happy 9th Birthday, my little brown fuzzy angels!

Florence Maines

Lately, my grandmother has been on my mind. I'm not sure why so much recently. I guess I just miss her. My grandmother, Florence Maines, was an extraordinary woman. She taught me so much in life and I just have this feeling that I never fully appreciated her as much as I should have. She was such a calming force that I believe anyone who met her felt it.

Through her adult life she worked for different charity organizations. I think her kind heart was really what made her so valuable to each place she helped. The last placed she worked was Community Linc . It's an organization here in Kansas City that assits homeless women with families get off the street, find jobs, and become successful members of society. It's a great program and I know she was proud to be a part of it in whatever way she could be.

My grandmother was also a woman of stong faith. She was Catholic, knew what she believed, and never had doubts. Mass was every Sunday and you could always tell it was done out of enjoyment not obligation. I think I heard her say a foul word MAYBE a handful of times. Mostly if it needed said, it was spelled. When speaking of a certain man in our life that believes he isn't able to do anything without his wife present she would say, "He can't take an s-h-i-t, without her." I believe that was the most vulgar thing I ever heard her say.

If I ever had a question about our faith, I knew who to turn to. She knew it all backwards and forwards and was able to answer any question I ever had. After she passed, I had my son baptised at her church and nothing could have made me happier.

One of my favorite stories of her's that she used to tell was the one of few times she and my grandfather went to see a movie in a theater in their later years. It was a really sunny day during the week and they arrived after the movie had already started. When they entered the theater, it was obviously very dark so after coming in from the sunshine so they had a terrible time seeing if there was anywhere to sit. After standing hopelessly for a moment or so not being able to find an empty seat, she heard a man say that there were some seats near him and his wife. My grandparents made their way towards the man's voice. After sitting in the man's lap at first, which for a religious woman in her 70's that was utterly embarressing, they finally found a seat next to the couple. They enjoyed the movie and at the end, she thanked the man as he and his wife stood up to leave. The lights came up and at that time, my grandmother realized that she was still wearing her sunglasses and that's what had made it so difficult to see. Not only that but she looked around the theater and she and my grandfather along with the nice man and his wife had been the only...people...in the theater. To this day, that story still makes me laugh.

It's extremely hard for me to put into words how wonderful my grandmother was without writing an entire novel. I guess the only way to fully understand was to know her. Just know that she was one h-e-l-l of a lady.

Baby furniture and baby penguins, that's all I want.

Really, what is cuter than miniature furniture for children? Not much, in my opinion. Well, maybe baby penguins. But that's it. So for Christmas, Chuck and I were going to buy a toy box for Chase. Which we did. But while at Babies R Us, something else also caught our eye. As we were walking down the aisle, we both spotted it at the same time and cracked up. It was a toddler armchair version of the furniture we currently have in our living room. Needless to say, we bought it. It was more of a gift to ourselves than our son, really since he's only 1 and never. sits. still. ever. So Christmas morning, Chase had 3 big things under the tree; his chair, his toy box, and his trike. Now before you go and say, "Didn't you get him that trike for his birthday in October?". Yes, we did. But we PUT IT TOGETHER for Christmas. That's how things work in our home. You get something big for one holiday and for the next holiday, it gets assembled for you. Asking us to do both for one holiday is really just being greedy. I was completely prepared for the chair to be ignored but lo and behold, he loves it! He'll plop down in it and watch his favorite show, Jack's Big Music Show. It's so nice to actually see him sit still for 20 minutes, in a row. All I wanted out of that chair was a funny (but coordinating) piece of furniture for our living room but it's given me so much more. It's given me time to use the restroom. And really, what more could I ask for? Oh yeah, maybe a baby penguin.