Thursday, January 05, 2012
Desk Job Zombie
I have turned into a boring person. I think part of it is that my job is sucking the life out of me. I like my job, don't get me wrong. I work with great people and for a great group of doctors However I kind of feel like its turning me into a boring person with nothing to talk about that would interest anyone outside my field. The things I do have to talk about are so boring to even me that some days that I'm not even motivated to talk about them. I sit at a desk all day staring at a computer, numbers and mostly bland politically correct medical records. It's extremely sad that I look forward to the random note a doctor has slipped in that probably shouldn't be there. The ones where he actually describes a condition or personality of a patient in the exact way he sees it. In these days of the frequent medical malpractice lawsuits, those are very rare. So most days I sit at a computer without speaking to anyone for long lengths of time, reading op report after op report and typing code after code and by the end of the day I feel like a zombie. It's hard to even relate to people sometimes at the end of these days. I just stare at them numbly and they eventually stop talking to me. Then I come home and leave it behind. But then another type of situation takes over. Chuck and I have a great routine. We know how most of our evenings will go. Dinner, bath time for the kids, small quiet playtime, read to the kids, kids bedtime and then we have about an hour or so left before our own bedtime. It works for us but more importantly it works for the kids. They know what to expect. There is no complaining at bedtime. No negotiating. It's how it is and we all know it. Sometimes though I feel like this is making me dull too. I love my home life. It's safe, it's comfortable and full of people I love and love me back. But I miss adventure. I miss picking up and doing something completely random, completely unplanned. Maybe this is the life of a working mom of two small kids. But I need some balance. I think about some of the crazy things I did in high school, college, prior to kids and I miss it. I miss the stories. You hear people say that this is what happens when you get married and settle down but I don't believe it. I believe there are still adventures to be had in our daily life. My New Years resolution this year is to add that adventure back into my life. I'm not sure how or where to start but this is the beginning...as long as it doesn't interfere with my bedtime.