You better watch out, you better not cry...

So, it's that time of year. The time of year where the snow falls, it's cold, the holidays come, and we spend our extra time off driving from party to party trying to squeeze in each side of our family (which just happens to be 4 sides). First of all let me make one thing clear, I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I'm just merely trying to make you understand what my life is like this time of year, that is all. I *heart* my family thoroughly and would not want it any other way.

This Christmas we have a total of 9 Christmas parties to attend and out of those 9, we will definitely be at 8. Party number 9 is still in negotiations but we just have to draw the line somewhere. Chuck and I have both of our work Christmas parties, my dad's extended side of the family, my mom's extended side of the family, my stepmother's side of the family, my inlaws side of the family and not to mention the immediate side of my dad's family and the immediate side of my mother's family. This equals a lot of baking and present wrapping and let me just say, I'm exhausted. Like seriously, last night I was arguing with my husband (well, I was arguing, he was just kind of egging me on) about the code for the TV that you have to have in order to program our remote. Um, really, is that something you should be arguing about at 11:00 at night when you have to get up at 5:00? No, it is not.

So obviously my side of the family is very large. I have 5 sisters and stepbrothers, a mom, a dad and stepmother, numerous aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents still living. My husband's side is very small and really, it's the sole reason I married him. Well that and he likes white meat on the turkey. Ok, off the track for just a moment. I like dark meat and I have a theory. You must always marry someone who likes the opposite color of turkey meat as you. That way, the whole turkey is enjoyed and there is no fighting.

Anyway, my side of the family's parties are chaos. They are loud, hectic, and very warm. We've already attended 2 of our family parties (my extended family on both my mother and father's sides) and they were fun as always but in all honesty, there was a sense of loss at each of them.

On my mother's side, we lost both my grandmother and grandfather last year. We saw it coming with my grandfather but it was very unexpected with my grandmother. I simply adored my grandmother, as did many people. She was warm and caring and so giving. My world is just not the same without her. This is the first year that I truly feel her loss.

On my father's side, my grandmother has Alzheimer's and is in failing health. It's very difficult to communicate and each time we see her, it is heartbreaking. My grandfather is in great health but the stress he carries is obvious. I watch him in awe as he goes on day to day taking care of someone that I know he loves deeply but cannot return his love outwardly and it kills me. This year they did not attend our party due to the weather and my grandmother's health. It was hard because I know the end is near.

I suppose all families go through a cycle when older ones leave us for a better place and new young ones join us in this world. It's just so hard to watch families make these transitions. Our old habits make way for new traditions and I'm somewhat okay with that. I guess as long as the chaos continues, I think it will always feel like home.