Open Letter to Elise

Dear Elise,

I'm writing to you today to let you know that you have broken a young man's heart. Wherever you were last weekend, you gave "your phone number" to some gullible guy who thought he was getting hooked up. He now knows your evil ways. He knows that you gave him a fake number and that number was mine. The caller ID registered as Shauntra Marley, I'm going to assume that's his mother, so we'll call him "Bob" since he didn't share his true identity with me. I answered the phone ever so politely and the conversation went like this:

me: Hello?
Bob: Hello.
me: Um, Hi?
Bob: Who's this?
me: Well, who are you trying to call?
Bob: Elise.
me: I'm sorry but you have the wrong number.
Bob: Oh, uh, ok.

Well, poor Bob must have thought that I was you giving him the run around because we hung up and he called right back. So this time, I let Chuck answer the phone. He answered the phone the next two times after that as well. Obviously, based on his persistence, you have made an impression on poor Bob. By the last time he called, Chuck said that Bob was pretty upset and sounded very rejected.

Now I know how it is to be a young woman in a bar and guys that you aren't typically interested in approach you and you just need them to GO AWAY. Just please, next time? Give them someone else's phone number. I can't stand the rejection.

Sincerely,
Miss You've-got-the-wrong-number